Driveway weeds

This post is coming to you from a toxic place. My hands have Round-up on them and my lungs and eyes have the toxic fumes from an oven cleaning. It’s just too damn hot to sit out side and I can’t see the computer screen out there anyway. Oh the good life .<[B).

Ten minutes ago:

I have a spray bottle full of weed killer in my left hand while I am pulling weeds with my right hand all this while squatting down to do it. I love to squat, it is good for the body, but the Round Up weed killer is not.

“Why am I not spraying the weeds”, you ask. It was almost empty when I got the bottle from a friend. It squirted on about 10 weeds. There is plenty left but they never make those straw sucking tubes go all the way to the end of the bottle. A great packaging plan so you have to buy more and more. I want to use this and not waste it since it is already on the earth. I hate Round Up and was not happy about having it in my possession in the first place: I believe Monsanto to be the greatest enemy of the world today.

I add a few inches of water  but now it won’t spray. A secret Monsanto ploy. I pump and pump, I close spray tip and pump, I open it all the way and pump, it just forms a beautiful bubble at end of spray tip then falls to the ground in a  plumpy bubble lump. Believe me, I pumped for quite a bit, nothing but the bubble. 

I love to pick weeds, in fact I do it for fun almost every time I walk the dog. I see a weed and I just itch to pull it. Most the time I restrain myself when it is just to overwhelming-way too many weeds. I can walk past it. But if there is only a few I just have to squat and pick it. I swear it keeps my back healthy.

The problem is, I just can’t keep up with all the weeds in my driveway. I have been written up from The Association about this. To be fair, this was a long time ago before I knew it was our responsibility and not the landscapers.

Keeping up with these weeds is not all bad but I just can’t seem to stay on top of it any more. Recently something happened. Some highly propagating weeds really like my driveway. So here I am bottle in one hand; weed in the other.

I am picking these delicious looking morsels wondering why we just can’t eat them. My micro salad would look so good with these succulent little babies on them. They grow by the thousands, I wonder if I can’t market them to the local restaurants. Local succulent herbs I’ll call them. They really look like broccoli sprouts.

Here’s another dilemma. Every time I pull them out between pavers a large amount of sand comes with them. I have seen a neighbor who bought a truck full of sand just to refill between the pavers after he power washed his driveway. Now I am just pulling it all out. Maybe I could start a sand selling business.

I know, I know, I choose to live here so I can follow the rules. I’ve told my spouse this over and over every time he complains about the rules here; like you can’t hang towels on your porch. “They want us to destroy the environment with the excess use of electricity when a clothes line will do just fine to dry most our clothes.” I agree with him on this but the fact remains, no one forced us to move here, we choose it. Sort of, but that’s a whole other story.

Correction: I lied when I wrote quote from husband. He did not say ‘destroy the environment’, he said ‘waste our money’. It’s my mind that is always on environment, not his. His is on his pocket. An argument that ran dry years ago. So I make up little things and pretend he says them. Keeps us both happy.