Women have said it over and over, “When will the men gather to heal?” Women have New Moon ceremonies and Reiki circles. It is common for women to gather for emotional healing but men don’t work on themselves, or so women think. Some things can be hidden right in front of you or in this case, sitting right next to me every Sunday at Centennial Park for our weekly drum circle. A drum circle is a man’s healing gathering.
Let me put in my disclaimer now. I know men have their own way of releasing stress and going deep into a meditative state. I know there are men that go very deep into healing gatherings. They gather to meditate, do yoga, reiki, sound healing, chanting. I am talking about the other men, the majority of men. Not the ones in cigar bars, although there is some therapy happening in there.
Read on to connect the dots. A sorta game for the philosopher in us all.
I was so frustrated. I couldn’t figure out why the boys I drummed with weekly would resist the sacred circles I facilitated occasionally. They had no problem finding beats at the weekly circle. Why, when I really needed them, when I was in the middle of the circle orchestrating this earth rhythm, when I was building up an energy that would so gracefully spill over into a really sweet beat if present, would I be begging them for a beat only to look up and see their disconnected faces and watch their apathetic hands stumble as if on purpose. Ugh! I am being abandoned but worse, this is not the first circle they have abandoned me at. I have discussed it with my partner when all is calm days after previous disconnected sacred circles. Being female and him male, Venues and Mars, I think all is well because I expressed what I needed. Meanwhile he had no intention of giving me what I needed because it clearly was not what he needed.
Major disconnect that has been building tension to the point of him knowing it would be his last facilitated circle with me and me knowing I would never rely on him again.
Let me back up a bit. Let me describe ever so briefly what happens at a sacred circle I facilitate. Arthur Hall started facilitating circles by going in the middle of a circle and giving signals with his hands via drum beats, pointing at this section or that, raising his hands up or lowing them like a conductor of an orchestra. Harmony and fun for all. Many personalities mixed with various passions have taken his facilitated circle in many directions. I have a passion for the earth, native american ceremonies, women chants, chakra healing and drumming so I get in the middle and tune into the vibration around me to bring all to a higher vibration. I never know exactly what we will do because I strongly feel the circle speaks, calling out what it wants. I intuitively listen and call it in. Many people love it. It moves many people to a healing connection with those in the circle, with themselves and the earth.
It has possibilities of going to an ecstatic high until I look to my male partner, Starbo, for that harmonious connection that only exist in my imaginary world that I have created.
But before you get upset with Starbo, remember there are three sides to every story. Mine, his, and the truth.
I clearly knew mine. Mine was driven by conditioning that started at birth and was manufactured by society and my family. His was obviously beyond my reach or truthfully, beyond my desire to reach. The truth changes as pieces of truth reveal themselves to the person doing the observation. Every day truth can change once a person is seeking truth with an open heart, deep thought and many times a collection of deep thought. This can be many people with open hearts that are attempting to not attached to the outcome of the truth, sharing their observations with the desire to reach a higher high for all of humanity. Sound really deep doesn’t it? If you take a moment to sink in what this paragraph has said up to this moment you will be pleased to know it is just that. Deep. It’s nice to give ourselves time to go deep now and again.
When this little revelation came to light it was very exciting. It brought not only understanding but compassion and relief. Compassion for the men folk so I keep liking them. Relief that something wasn’t being done to me out of a desire to cause me ill will. Actually, once I got out of the way, I realized nothing was done to me at all. The law of nature was hard at work to heal all and lift all to a higher height.
So what is all this huff about. Women want the men to have an outlet to release their stress. They know having healthy men will make the world a better place. Men have created a healing gathering space that works for them. A Community Drum Circle is that healing space. Women and men do drum and both drum very well but many men just want to drum. They get irritated when the drumming gets interrupted by talking and taking time to create various sound vibrations for opening the throat chakra’s. Women and men have a different way of connecting. Within the male and female sex are wide variations. Some men and women are very much in tune with their masculine and feminine side and some men would deny any sprinkling of feminine existed in their being and some women would deny an ounce of masculine touches them. Cultural influences have a lot to do with this. It is true that some men are comfortable doing sound healing, chanting songs and dancing at a drum circle. But many men simply are annoyed at this. They just want to drum. They go into a deep meditation when they drum. Tension is released that has been biting at the bit to let go. Like a race horse waiting for the gun to go off, “Just open the gate, damn it!”
For over 10 years drum circles have been increasing in popularity. I have been attending drum circles for over four years and it is just now that I realized how I have been a guest at a circle gathering for men. It is true that they love the dancers and hoopers. But when I get behind the drum I admit that the power drumming does allow me to get in touch with my masculine power. Just like dancing allows the men to get in touch with their feminine side. I enter the circle with a drum and I am entering a man’s world, matching a mans energy. Why do some of you cringe when I say this? I can hear the debate to all of this. But right now, with the collection of thought to the truth that I am connecting with right now, this is a truth that comes with a big sigh, saying, “So this is what all that was about!” The law of nature is working all the kinks out and moving forward for the moment with gentle ripples. No heavy waves. It is the ebb and flow of community. We dance and play for awhile then we rough each other up a bit when we fail to see truth that is serving more then ourselves. We often want to know the truth but it just is not ready to reveal itself. The pieces have not been played completely to where it is even possible to reveal itself. Focus with an open heart and the pieces have a way of falling at an accelerated speed so the dance resumes and if we are lucky, the laughter shakes it all away so we forget the topic of thought. It is dust in the distance.
After that long paragraph, what was the topic of thought? Drum circles create an outlet for the masculine in us all and there is plenty of room for the feminine through dance and song and hoop. Poi balances both masculine and feminine. Once this is understood I believe we can create a respect for the ceremony of the drum. Be clear what you are creating and honor the process for all.